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Seriously, I don’t. I just want to sit on my couch and read the book I’m currently halfway through (Outlander– totally awesome), or watch some Mad Men on netflix, or browse the internets for completely mindless entertainment. I can do that, in that I don’t have to work today. But see, I have this big to-do for the day. It’s a list full of ambition. Full of, “look how much I can get done on my day off!” And I’ve managed to slog through some of it….the groceries have been bought for the week (which I did even though it is pouring cats and dogs outside, so I consider it an even bigger accomplishment than usual), I did one load of laundry, I swept up the kitty litter, took out the trash, and straightened the living room slightly (ok, I folded the two blankets that were on the floor. But that counts, right?) What I haven’t done is work out,  do the rest of the laundry, actually straighten up the house and vacuum, or start dinner.  I guess there’s more that I’ve done then what I need to do, but I feel so. very. guilty. when I don’t do everything on my list on my day off.

I think it is because I do have Mondays off (as well as weekends), and so I already feel guilty for not finding a second job to make a little more money. I’ve been meaning to take care of the paperwork to be a substitute teacher, but I keep putting off, mostly because I really don’t want to be a sub. I just don’t love the idea of being in charge of a group of kids/teenagers. So I justify my lack of work by trying to get everything done around the house on Monday, and when I don’t even manage to do that, well….then I really feel like a terrible person. And I usually get my things done on Monday, but we just had such a busy weekend, including a funeral yesterday that left me exhausted and angry at the world, that I just want to give in and be a bum today. Even if it means doing more housework during the week, and even if it means getting up early tomorrow morning to fit in a workout before work. I will hate myself for it tomorrow, but it sure will feel good today.

The hubster and I have two cats. One cat is the mother of the other cat. We took in the mother, a straes y, when she was pregnant, although we didn’t realize it. Once we realized she was preggers, we weren’t sure if we could keep her, and as a result we didn’t give her a name for a while. She just became known as “mom cat.” We eventually gave her a name, but calling her mom cat became habit and we still do it on occasion. And sometimes it gets shortened to just mom. Yes, we sometimes call our cat mom. It’s a little strange, but it’s only in our own home, right?

False. We were standing in the cat toy aisle of the grocery store this weekend, debating if we should buy a cat toy that is basically a spring with a ball on top attached to a block of wood covered in catnip-scented carpet, when I said “Well you know mom is just going to rub her face all over it. She loves huffing catnip”

Que my husband laughing his face off at me, and another lady in the aisle giving me a strange look. One that clearly said, wtf, lady. W.T.F.

So….yeah. Naming your cat “mom” is really, really not recommended.

Life as a med wife

My husband is a third year medical student. This means a lot of things. It means we have a lot of debt. It means I sometimes don’t see him very often (like this week, when he worked nights and I had a normal daytime shift, resulting in us not seeing each other at all for four days). It means evenings together in our apartment generally involve him studying. It means that on said evenings, if I’m sitting next to him on the couch, he might randomly grab my arm and take my pulse, or poke and prod at my leg, to practice what he is learning to do. It means over the next year and a half, we will go through the long process of deciding on a specialty, applying to numerous residency programs, spend ridiculous amounts of money on interviews, decide how to rank the programs, and then at the end, pack our bags and move to wherever the match* tells us to go. In many ways it means our lives revolve around his career. I accept that. I knew when I married him that medicine would be a huge part of our lives.

The only time this drives me crazy is when talking to other people. You see, when you tell people your husband is training to be a doctor, they get it. They may not understand exactly how medical school or residency works, and they may have some misconceptions about wealth of doctors (particularly starting out), but they understand what a doctor is. They know enough to ask questions or tell stories of their own experiences with the medical profession. “What will he specialize in?” “how long until he is out of school?” “Let me tell you about the time I had surgery….” My profession is a bit more…….obscure, shall we say. When people ask what I do, I either give a vague answer or spend 20 minutes trying to explain my job and why it is important, but typically people don’t really get it, and lose interest quickly. So the conversation is steered back to the more interesting subject of medicine, and suddenly feel like my life is invisible. Like I’m just a wife of a medical student, not a person with my own career. Like I said above, I don’t mind that our lives are in many ways dictated by medicine, but at the same time I don’t like feeling invisible. Our lives are bound to medicine, yes, but I am more than that! Sometimes, it would be nice for people we meet to be interested in my life too.

I honestly don’t know if this is more due to the interest people have in his career in medicine or just the fact that my career is so obscure. Would the conversations be different if I was something else familiar, like a teacher or a lawyer? Is it really an obsession with medicine that is at fault here or just a lack of understanding (and possibly interest) in what I do. It’s probably a combination of them both, and I’m just overly sensitive because of course I think what I do is interesting!

I’m not sure how much I’ll talk about my husband’s work here, but I think it is important to mention to explain my life. I want to use this blog to resist feeling overshadowed, but I’m sure medicine will come up- after all, it does control our future.

 

*The match, for those who don’t know, is the method medical schools and residencies use to place students into residencies. Essentially, once you’ve applied and been granted interviews, you (the medical student) rank what residencies you want to go to 1-whatever, and each residency ranks the students they interviewed 1-whatever, and then all those rankings go into a computer program and they work out where everybody will go. You find out where you’ve been matched on Match Day in march, and then you go to that residency. You can’t change it if you don’t like it, you just have to go, wherever it is.

Why blog?

I started this blog for a number of reasons. One reason is that I read a number of blogs already and so I wanted to start my own so I could feel more like a participant in blog-land rather than a sneaky observer. I want to be a part of the conversations that are going on on so many great blogs, and I want the opportunity to start my own conversations as well.

Another reason is that I’m going through a lot of changes in my life right now (see: title of my blog), and I think writing about these changes would be therapeutic. I’ve kept a journal for years, and writing out my thoughts has always helped me to organize them and to de-stress. I want to move that process online to hopefully improve it- I’m hoping that the ability to receive feedback on my thoughts will open me up to new perspectives as well as making me realize I’m not alone.

My final reason is much less serious- I want to have some fun! I want a place to tell my funny stories and share the What the F*** moments that happen in everyday life. Hopefully, I do a decent job of mixing the serious with the fun on this blog.

So there’s my reasons for starting this blog. Maybe next post I’ll explain a little about who I am and what my life is like!

 

 

Hello!

After spending far too long trying to think of a name for a blog, I finally decided on thebigkidlife. Because when I thought about it, this blog will be about my life trying to figure out what it means to be a grown up-out of school, working, married. I’m excited to start!